Meet me last week
by Big Cat
Summary: Sam Vimes falls into strange situation. A short experiment with politics over Roundworld.


**Meet me last week**

'If I ever hear this stuff again, I will…' Sam Vimes stopped his tirade and turned his back to the Watch Committee, gathered in Vetinari's office. The Patrician was looking at him with interest. Vimes tried to hold his temper and inhaled deeply, then he turned back and put some kind of a smile.

'I will not tolerate this stuff, men…' he said calmly. Then he noticed Mrs. Palm's stare and continued: '… and ladies... The Watch won't do whatever you want just because you want it. You are NOT the rulers here. He is.' Sam Vimes pointed at Vetinari, then he lowered his finger and coughed desperately, trying to avoid the Patrician's eyes. 'Anyway, I'm not listening to this stuff any more. I'm going…'

He started exiting, but he knew that everyone's eyes were turned in his direction. If he had an eye in his back, he would be very worried and he would definitely make a list with names he would gladly put in jail as soon as he could. _If_ he could…

Vetinari sighed deeply and said: 'Well done, Commander. As you wish. After all no one would press the Ankh-Morpork City Watch to participate in the following war craft games. It might be interesting, to show the world what Ankh-Morpork is capable to do, but if you really insist… Whatever you want, Sir Samuel.'

Sam Vimes pressed the door handle and exited hurriedly. His curses echoed the stairs. Make him agree with this stupid war thing? The Watch? Participate in soldier stuff? No way!

He rushed into his study in Pseudopolis Yards head quarter and paced furiously upstairs, not mentioning the guards' salutes and Fred Colon's amazed eyes, following his rapid climb. He shut his study's door with a swing, almost hitting Fred in his face. He stood there with the papers in his hands, speechless but finally commenting like to himself: 'Sir… you have a visitor…'

---

The wizard stood up when Sam Vimes rushed into the study and waited, witnessing Commander's fury pace to the desk, his shaking hands lighting a cigar and his face becoming its normal pale state. He tried to close his ears to the curses Vimes was murmuring, expecting that no one would be there listening. But he shivered when he saw Commander's eyes stabbing in his direction and the quick jump he made in the air when he noticed he was not alone.

'What the disc are you doing here?' he asked, searching for his cigar under the desk. 'Who are you? Who let you here? Answer!'

The wizard coughed nervously, trying to come back to his senses.

'Sorry, sir' he said. 'I thought you were told about my…'

'No one told me there was someone in here, man. Get lost!' commanded Vimes. The wizard lifted his shoulders and sat back silently. Vimes stared at him for some more seconds. 'I recall I ordered you to…'

'I don't obey any orders,' said the wizard.

Vimes lifted his eyebrow. 'Really?' His gaze stabbed at the old man. 'And what does Ridcully think about that?'

The wizard smiled nervously. 'The Archchancellor is not someone I report to, sir.'

Vimes stared at him with interest. 'Really?'

The wizard answered slowly. 'Really.' He sighed deeply. 'My boss…' he blinked several times before continuing. 'He said I should come to introduce myself. He said you might need a magical assistance, and here I am…'

Vimes smirked. 'Really? Wizard? In _my_ Watch? Your boss? Who the disc is that, man? And why does he think I should obey his orders? And who are you anyway?'

The wizard sighed deeply and closed his eyes. Then he snapped his fingers. Everything distorted around them. The office disappeared and when Vimes opened his eyes, he had to sit down, because what he saw was a white wide place with no obvious beginning and no end. In the centre of this new universe were two red armchairs. The wizard was sitting in one of them, opposing Vimes's.

'What is this?' Vimes cried. 'Some kind of magic? What the disc happened?'

The wizard looked at his scared face and pronounced slowly.

'You will have the answers of you questions very soon, Mr. Vimes.' He sighed, lifting his hand. 'This is the beginning,' he said looking at him.

'What beginning?' asked Vimes. 'Which beginning?'

The wizard sighed again, settling himself cosy into his place. 'The beginning of everything you know, sir,' started the wizard. 'This is the pure form of nothing or everything, the beginning or the end of what you are. What everyone you know is. This is the draft of life. The empty space where the Author could, might, will or will not write and create. This is the beginning. This is your world. The Discworld. Sam Vimes…'

Vimes shivered, staring at the wizard.

'Are you mad? Turn me back! What are you talking about? Do you need some dried frog pills? I could tell someone bring you some. We have a very nice and cosy mental house in Quirm, you know. No one I know ever complained after being there. If I have to be honest, no one I know ever exited…'

The wizard smiled slowly. 'I am not mad, Samuel.' He glared at Vimes and tried to turn back his furious stare. 'But you are right to be doubtful. I am someone you don't know and you have the right to be… afraid.'

'Me? Afraid? Of you? Who do you think I am? A little boy? A mouse?' Vimes lifted up and spoke slowly, his eyes daggering the wizard's face. 'You are mad! You get me out of here and you come with me. Vetinari would be very happy knowing there is another idiot he could use as scorpion feed. I used to blame him for being such vicious bloodsucking bustard, but I see now he has a point. Sometimes we all need to be vicious bloodsucking bustards if we meet such imbeciles like you. You are dangerous, man!'

The wizard smiled and sighed. 'Unfortunately, Samuel, I am not mad. And you have to listen to me. It is very important…' He stared at him with his wide open eyes, and what Vimes read there made him stop his furious attacks for a second. He widened his eyes, leaned back in his chair and looked up, speaking in a bored tone:

'All right. It seems you don't believe you are mad. And it seems you are some kind of wizard, a gods damn good wizard, otherwise I wouldn't feel this place so real. You want to be listened? All right. Shoot. But you should know I would be listening very careful and if I suspect you are playing with me, man, I will… I will be furious and angry as never before…'

The wizard smiled and leaned back in his chair.

'Do you know who made you live?' he asked.

Vimes lifted his eyebrows, answering slowly: 'My mom and dad, I presume…'

The wizard smiled nervously. 'Partly, yes.'

'Partly?' giggled Vimes.

The wizard sighed again. 'Let me ask you other way… Do you know who created this world?'

Vimes smiled nervously. 'Who? Some god, I presume. Or gods.'

The wizard rounded his eyes. 'You think so… Of course you should think so… Mmm… I think I should start from the beginning…' He stood up, slowly pacing around the place they were settled in. 'Do you know what a writer is?'

Sam Vimes lifted his eyebrows again. 'You mean those idiots that struggle writing on the city gates in the night?'

The old man smiled. 'Something like that. Now, let us imagine that there is a single man in the universe that has a rich imagination, so rich, that he made this flat world, put atop four elephants, standing over the shell of a giant turtle… Do you follow me?'

'Hardly,' answered Vimes.

'This man created this world of wonders, of werewolves and vampires, of undead, humans and other creatures, of guilds, cities, beggars, assassins, watch, patricians and so on and so forth… He created you and everyone you know…'

'I'll ask again,' sighed Vimes, 'do you need a dried frog pill?'

'No, I don't. Thank you anyway,' answered the wizard. 'This man lives in a world just like yours, but round and he…'

'Round?' smiled Vimes. 'Is it safe? People could fall off. Don't they have headache if they go on the down side?'

The wizard sighed, now bored. 'No, they don't. There is a huge gravitational field…'

'Gravi... what?'

'Gravitational, Samuel. The physical force that makes things stay on their places.'

'Doesn't it hurt them?'

'No, it doesn't. Now, please pay attention.' The old wizard sighed. 'The world this man lives is in big danger. There are people that want to destroy its harmony. There are nations fighting each other for power, money, oil, national resources, land, greed…'

'Nothing new,' answered Vimes. 'I still remember the so-called Klatch war…'

'It is nothing like this,' said the wizard. 'And my boss believes you should take care of the situation there. To obtain justice…'

'I what?' cried Vimes. 'Are you mad? You definitely need some dried frogs pills, man. You are totally and absolutely mad!'

'No. I am not mad and you know it.'

'No, I don't know. All I know is that you are an old mad man, pretending to know something that doesn't exist and if you ever tell me that, I will…'

The wizard rounded his eyes, losing patience, looked at Vimes's reddened face and slapped his fingers.

---

'Good morning, monsieur Director General' said Caroline, entering into the UN's head office. Vimes opened his eyes and stared at the young blond woman, coming closer. 'Would you like some milk with the coffee, sir?'

--  
_Thanks to someone special for the beta. I hope you like it. If yes - there will be prolongation. _


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